It is fresh. It just happened four days ago, so maybe the lessons haven't fully been realized. I surely wish for more time with him, but I don't think it would ever be enough. I do wish I would have made more time to chat with him just because. That is probably what I miss the most so far, is his voice. Or the way he would laugh at his own jokes, and I would laugh too! He had a great sense of humor and it is something that will live on in me. I do miss him though, and even though I would not call him any where near as often as I should, each time we did talk it was magical. He also understood that I work a lot, and would never hold my lack of calls against me. He was just happy to talk to me when he could.
I hold that against myself now, but I'm trying not to beat myself up. I guess the truth is that I yurn for one more phone call that I will never get. It is quite a pain in my heart if I get to thinking about it too much. I just miss him and I'm not sure if it will ever stop hurting. I bet even if I had called him more I'd still feel this way.
We took a good amount of photos though, which is great that I at least accomplished that. That is my job, to capture the love and heritage of families for generations who have not yet met this earth. Photos to help me always be able to picture him are essential.
I am so glad he was my dad. He taught me that even when a person messes up, that does not define them. What defines a person is their willingness to admit mistakes and go to great lengths to make them right. He taught me that just because a person travels for a long time down a bad road, doesn't mean they must continue that way. A person can turn their life around if they want to badly enough. Just like he did.
He also taught me patience. He was very patient with me, waiting for me to come around and want to have a relationship. He never once gave up on me. He kept trying when most people would have left me alone. I only got to have 11 adult years with my Dad, but they were worth all of the wait. This wound is fresh and may never heal fully, but I can say I am proud to be his daughter. Hopefully one day I can look at photos of him and smile instead of crying.
Thanks for your ear friends. Sweet memories to you all.